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I love a good conspiracy theory. I believe they are the grand narratives of our time. They entice us with alternate realities of how the world might really work. They spark our imaginations, let us in on “The Truth”, and fuel our human need for stories. But if there’s one thing I love more than a conspiracy theory, it’s a Cornish conspiracy theory.

Chemical Defense Establishment Nancekuke was (as you are about to find out) a secret chemical weapons factory situated on the north Cornish coast between the beaches of Portreath and Porthowan. Through the 50s, 60s and early 70s, the Ministry of Defense manufactured such lethal delights as Agent Orange and Sarin nerve gas. There were reports of illegal testing on soldiers, of severe respiratory illness in its local workforce, and darker whispers still of widespread pollution. In 1976, the plant was closed down. It was ordered that waste materials from the plant be dumped down a nearby mineshaft – it probably all sits there to this day.

1976 was also the time of The Owlman – a seemingly supernatural entity that had been seen in the woods of Mawnan (a village on Cornwall’s south coast). Indeed, there were many strange things that occurred that year in Cornwall. There were also copious UFO and fairy sightings, evidence of a spate of black magic rituals, and reports of the legendary Mawgawr (the sea serpent of Falmouth Bay) making a return appearance. This all happened over the summer, a sweltering one, by all accounts, that became known in certain circles as The Summer Of Weirdness. The stories of this surreal time still endure, still exist in the memories of some, still hold true.

For me, Cornwall is as riddled with secrets and strangeness as it is with disused mineshafts. It is a somewhat less friendly place than Caroline Quentin’s current ITV tourist-baiting programme would have us believe. Hers is not a Cornwall I recognize. Perhaps her version of reality is the one true conspiracy…

The action of the play takes place in Cornwall, in 1976 and The Present. Nancekuke is a village on the North Cornish coast (rocky, wind-swept, sheer). Mawnan Woods is on the South (wooded, eerie, estuarine). In the play, it may appear as if they are in close proximity to one another. In reality, however, they are not. Apart from this one glaring fabrication, everything else is real. And if you don’t believe me, you can Google it. And if you still don’t believe me, go visit Nancekuke or Mawnan church yard, alone, at dusk, and tell me you don’t feel like someone, or something, is watching you…

Enjoy.

Carl Grose

Summing up the play in a sentence is tricky, but I’ll try. Set in the hamlet of Nancekuke, Cornwall;  Horse Piss For Blood  is about Cornish conspiracy theory, the legend of The Owlman, MOD chemical weapons and a 50-something white Rastafarian woman’s slightly dysfunctional family. It’s also VERY VERY funny.

I arrived at the Dance Attic rehearsal space in Fulham; a beautiful old building that was once old Victorian baths and still smells a little like a swimming pool.  It was all very Fame Academy – lots of people milling about in leg-warmers, sipping Evian and ginger tea.  Upstairs, a girl band were rehearsing routines in front of the mirror, singing into hairbrushes. Yes, really.   

I’d not been to professional rehearsals before. I kind of expected a lot of actors pacing the room, projecting vowel sounds (ayyyyyyyyeeeeeeiiiiiioooooooyyuuuuu) whilst a stage manager furiously scribbled notes in deadly silence. How cliché. And not true at all. 

As I snuck in, the play Director Simon Stokes (who is also the Theatre Royal Artistic Director) and Company Stage Manager Sarah were discussing – rather amusingly – the effects of snorting glucose. (In one scene, it needs to appear to the audience that one of the actors is taking cocaine.)  According to Sarah’s research, either glucose or icing sugar is the actor’s fake-cocaine-of-choice as it is harmless and has no side effects.  Although Sarah did confess to having a little sugar-high after testing it out!

Hanging on the walls of the room were lots of printouts relating to the play, The Owlman, Nancekuke, MOD chemical weapons, Bob Marley – any kind of reference to the text – as well as photos of the set model. The Drum stage had been taped out on the floor to scale, including all entrances and exits and fundamental scenery.  Simon was blocking out one of the earlier scenes in the play and this to-scale layout made it easier for everyone to have an understanding of where everything is and where they need to be.

I’d read a few drafts of the play but areas were still in the process of being rewritten – which is often the case for new work.  However, I still had a good idea of the plot and characters.  A seemingly obvious statement to make; but the difference between chuckling over a few lines in the script, and then seeing it brought to life by some really talented actors that have me guffawing ridiculously through rehearsals, was unbelievable!  The cast just seemed perfect, like the parts were written for them.  Phil, (who was in our last collaboration with Carl Grose, Grand Guignol) is a natural comedy actor. Every time they ran the scene he seemed to do it slightly differently and it made me laugh each time.  Actors like him help productions remain fresh throughout the run.

I was surprised by the overall relaxed atmosphere of the process. Simon worked quietly and methodically, the cast were focused but not without the odd unrelated giggling fit and the Stage Management team quietly went about noting stage directions, planning the tour, paying wages or magically producing a new prop. 

At lunchtime the cast took the time to wind down a little or learn lines.  I gate crashed their peace and quiet and chatted to Alex who plays Virgil Ploy (fantastic character name!).  Alex grew up in Cornwall, not too far away from Nancekuke where the play is set.  I asked him if he believed in The Owlman, one of the legends woven into the play.

“Yeah! Of course! Well, I used to…”

Apparently, The Owlman legend arose from some alleged sightings in the 1970s of a giant birdlike creature with red-glowing eyes and massive claws. It was a popular playground taunt and prompted investigations from people all over the country.  It was said that if you looked The Owlman in the eyes that would be the end of you…   

Despite the absurdity of the myth – every cast member I asked said that they believed in The Owlman. Perhaps it’s me that needs keep my eyes shut tight at night. 

I didn’t take too many photos whilst I was there – actors, strangely, are a shy bunch but these might give you a some idea of the rehearsal room.  In a few days I’ll be posting a teaser video we’ve had made – it’s pretty awesome…!  But in the meantime, here’s some links to the relevant myths and conspiracy theories, in case you’re curious.

The Owlman

http://www.unknown-creatures.com/owlman-of-mawnan.html

http://www.wyrdology.com/cryptozoology/owlman.html

Nancekuke MOD Base

http://www.forteantimes.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=8627&sid=7e674b7bda077944de55a79f65a86a6d

http://www.mail-archive.com/ctrl@listserv.aol.com/msg54239.html

Horse Piss for Blood ticket info: www.theatreroyal.com/horse

Twitter:  #horsepissforblood / @carl_grose

We set up a hashtag on Twitter for this season’s panto; #plymderella captures the audience and cast’s favourite – and not so favourite – moments of Cinderella 2011-12, starting right from the first week of rehearsal.  Here are a mere handful:

TomScanlon Tom Scanlon  9 Dec
#ff #panto cast of #Plymderella 2011/12 @emma13marie @challennn @hewittphoto @_T1NK_ @dankrikler @NathanRyles x

challennn Charlie Allen 10 Dec
#Plymderella rehearsals are going well considering the blisters I am carrying!!! Can’t believe it already Day 7!!

TRPlymouth TheatreRoyalPlymouth 10 Dec
@JulianClary: I’m not entirely convinced that Cinderella’s hair is all her own. twitpic.com/7raamj” #plymderella

charlesbrunton Charles Brunton 11 Dec
Just walked past @TRPlymouth to see the fantastic set being loaded in for #Plymderella @QdosPantomimes Gosh its grand!

leight79 Leigh Thompson 11 Dec
One of our ugly sister’s @charlesbrunton first make-up base trial. @QdosPantomimes #Plymderella pic.twitter.com/3KOKYIca

charlesbrunton Charles Brunton 16 Dec
It’s opening night! #Plymderella

jonnie_james Jonnie James 16 Dec
First night done in Plymouth! Career highlight, accompanying a flying Orville! #plymderella

_T1NK_ Hannah Nicholas 16 Dec
Amazing opening night! Despite put the crystal slippers on the wrong feet in the end scene #plymderella

leight79 Leigh Thompson 18 Dec
The Fairy Godmother pays her bills. #plymderella @qdospantomimes pic.twitter.com/JhLcC3dl

louise_smith Louise Smith 20 Dec
Just bumped into a fairy godmother and ugly sister on my way around @TRPlymouth – just another day at the office! #plymderella

hewittphoto Chris Hewitt 28 Dec
#plymderella with lottie the hospice elephant pic.twitter.com/OnJx8pAH

charlesbrunton Charles Brunton 30 Dec
Just fell down the finale staircase in 4 inch heels! #Plymderella

nickanderson321 Nick Anderson 8 Jan
With the lovley Keith Harris after a performance of #Plymderella pic.twitter.com/2yyj5ZFW

jonnie_james Jonnie James 8 Jan
All you can eat Chinese between shows makes for a ‘tired’ performance from the bass player tonight (me) #plymderella

TomScanlon Tom Scanlon 9 Jan
‘the jasperizer’ #Plymderella pic.twitter.com/YWcLnwZj

TomScanlon Tom Scanlon 10 Jan
4am. 2 shows today. Still awake. Wide awake. Things to do in the morning. Still awaaaake. Body clock is wrong. Sleep please #Plymderella

GlitterballDiva Andrea ‘Gwyn’ Jung 11 Jan
Have I mentioned that last nights performance rocked, I mean it ROCKED!!! Thanks #Plymderella cast&audience. Tuesdays are the new Saturdays.

charlesbrunton Charles Brunton 14 Jan
My mum is watching today. You know what they say about red shoes…. #plymderella #intervaltweet pic.twitter.com/v1jFHbf1

charlesbrunton Charles Brunton 14 Jan
My mum feeling fruity before the show #plymderella #intervaltweet pic.twitter.com/S7vqZsiy

TomScanlon Tom Scanlon 16 Jan
Apparently The Krankies are watching #Plymderella tomorrow night

_T1NK_ Hannah Nicholas 17 Jan
Last week of #Plymderella big one tonight! Eeeep!

FlashUK1983 Chris Scanlon 18 Jan
Thanks to all the cast & crew of #plymderella for a brilliant show tonight. Me & the family had a great night. Well worth the long journey.

harrietbunton Harriet Bunton 18 Jan
Love you #plymderella xx

A great cast, a great crew and a GREAT audience – thanks to all of you!

This meant that every morning at 9am, before the house was open, our technical crew moved in to reassemble the Elves and the Shoemaker set.  Because of the nature of the show – i.e. a puppet show! – the set had been designed to accommodate the movements of the two puppeteers behind the scenes with an complex system of passage ways and blackout curtains.  Furthermore, the audience facing side of the set was intricate and full of detail. When the show first started it would take the crew 2.5 hours to put the set together, but by the end of the run they’d got it down to a speedy 1 hour.

At 2.30pm, after the last of the enchanted children had left the Drum Theatre, our technical crew moved in to completely dismantle the set again and prepare the space for the decidely less complex Barbershopera set.

Ed from my office made this little timelapse video (with the help of our Official Timelapse Photography Consultant Oli Fisher!) to show you how it all worked..:

“I’ve worked at the theatre for less than a year, but in that time have got used to setting up interviews for the press, taking celebrities to their radio and TV interviews, and all the other bits that go into being a PR Assistant.  One of my most recent tasks was a little bit different though…

“Hannah Nicholas, who’s playing Cinderella in this year’s pantomime, was asked to help switch on the Plymouth City Centre Christmas lights, and I was asked to look after her.

“Hannah doesn’t live in Plymouth, so she made a special trip down to switch on the lights.  My first job was to meet her at the train station and take her, and her Cinderella dress and accessories, to her hotel.  Hannah arrived looking very glamorous, having got her hair and make-up ready on the train to save some time – although she said she did get some strange looks from the other passengers putting on full stage make up and a big hair piece on her way into Plymouth!

“Qdos, the company producing the pantomime, had sent us Cinderella’s ‘rags’ dress, although it’s actually made of a pink satin bodice and lovely green skirt – nothing like rags at all!  After putting on very, very thick dance tights, a voluminous underskirt and the dress, Hannah already looked like a princess, even without the ball gown.  Finally deciding exactly what to do with that long, blonde hair piece and doing up all the clips, grips and fastenings that make the dress look right, we were ready to go.

The crowds at the Christmas Light switch

“On the way to the hotel, we had already seen the traffic building up in the city, and thought it would be quite busy.  However, after a short drive and walk to the stage by Drake Circus, we could see thousands of people in the area around Drake Circus and down Cornwall Street.  We arrived just in time to hear Michael Collings from Britain’s Got Talent performing, and were ushered into the backstage area along with the very tiny Ronan Parke from Britain’s Got Talent and Royal Marine Mark Ormrod, who were also going to switch on the lights, as well as Plymouth Raiders mascot Foxy, Argyle mascot Pilgrim Pete and loads of security officers and other people making sure everything ran smoothly.

“As Ronan performed his songs, Hannah got ready to go on stage.  The screams were almost deafening, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many people at a Christmas lights switch on in the city before!

“ITV Westcountry were broadcasting live from the switch on too – you can see what happened by clicking here, including Hannah’s interview (which is about 5 and a half minutes through).  She told me afterwards that the screams from the crowd were so loud, she wasn’t sure if she was answering the right questions!  But she did a great job and stayed on stage for the countdown and the big switch on.

The stars making their way on stage

“Once Plymouth had been lit up, everyone came off stage and waited in the backstage area – we couldn’t leave straight away because the crowds were massive and security were worried the stars might get mobbed (especially little Ronan, who had loads of girls waiting to catch a glimpse of him!).

“When the coast was clear, two security people escorted us through the city centre and back to the hotel to make sure our Cinderella returned safely.  Then it was just a question of undoing all the clips, grips and fastenings; leaving Hannah to enjoy the rest of her evening in Plymouth and me to take her costume back to the theatre ready for the show in December.”

Peregrine stars in La Fille mal gardee, and at 14 years old, is used to being in the limelight. He travels with his owner George to performances across the country.

George lives in Scotland, but Peregrine is now such a star, he has a London pad so that it’s easier for him to reach the majority of theatres.

To keep him in top condition for his appearances, he is taken out to graze whenever possible and spends a lot of time eating whilst waiting for his moment on the boards. He’s also washed in the finest shampoo to keep his mane shiny and tangle free, and is sprayed with dog grooming lotion to make sure he’s gleaming!

Although Peregrine has already been on stage for years, and has appeared in ballets, operas and pantomimes, he’s still got a long career in front of him. Peregine’s predecessor retired a couple of years ago at the grand old age of 32 – and is now living with George up in Scotland.

Just when I thought that there were no more suprises around the corner at the Theatre Royal…

But it wasn’t like that at all.

Actually, I can only liken the experience to an interview for a much desired job – e.g. I was so nervous that it made me feel sick, and afterwards remembered all of the things I should have said and done to ensure the outcome had a much closer resemblance to the aforementioned fantasy.

It wasn’t actually a confirmed interview for a start – e.g. instead of ‘my people talking to his people’ and getting it all in everyone’s diary; the preceding two days had actually involved a lot time of shamelessly hanging around his dressing room, hoping to get his attention. When that didn’t work, I resorted to slipping a note under his door. Oh how very cool:

“Hello James! A plea from Laura in the Marketing Department… blah blah, suckup, suckup….Here’s my mobile number, thank you so much! Laura (with a kiss)”
As it turns out, there must have been a problem with my network provider that day…

Finally, my bunny-boiler persistence paid off as I near rugby-tackled him at Stage Door:

“Of course I’ll do that for you Darlin’ Tomorrow, 6.45” he said. Yesss!

So, Friday evening, just before the doors opened for the performance, a camera man, a production manager, James Corden and I sat in the auditorium and he told me what he thought of the Theatre Royal Plymouth, our fantastic audiences and Rolf Harris’ mural* in Dressing Room G4.

My aim was to catch a few sound bites on camera of James saying wonderful things about the Theatre Royal; it will feature on a promotional video we are making of the organisation. So, alas, I didn’t get chance to ask all of those top-journo, witty questions that I had planned, (you know, ‘What’s your favourite pasty?’ and ‘if you could be a super hero’ … etc). Just as well, though, because I don’t really think he was in the mood for tomfoolery.

Then he was gone (without a hug or anything), “Bye, James! Thanks so much, you were great, bye James Corden, Bye…! Bye….! I love you a little bit!”

Yuck. What is it about celebrities that turn me into a subservient, witless dullard?! I’m going to have to cut back on these adhoc interviews, my nerves are in ruins! I mean, I nearly fainted interviewing a stuffed green bird a few weeks ago. I’m just not cool enough…!

Well whatever – here is me interviewing James Corden: (oh, and just to warn you, there may be a minor swear word in the footage!)

* I’ll tell you about the mural another time but just to be clear, only a small part of it was Rolf Harris and I’m sure if that would have been made clear to James he wouldn’t have been quite so critical!

Julian Clary, Keith Harris, Orville and Hannah Nicholas

Last week I shook hands with a green fluffy bird and told him he looked very handsome. Then I ran out of things to say and just kind of giggled foolishly. I was shamefully star struck by Keith Harris and Orville. 

The aforementioned legendary ventriloquist; his puppet Orville and queen of camp Julian Clary came down to Plymouth last week for the official Pantomime launch at Admiralty House, Stonehouse. 

My role was to grab a bit of ‘behind the scenes’ footage, take some pictures and eat Danish pastries.  (Actually, they weren’t for me but Julian wasn’t eating them…)

Theatre Royal Press team Anne-Marie Clark and Louise Smith had arranged for a glamorous horse drawn carriage to add extra festive sparkle to the pictures so it all kicked off with Julian (as Dandini), Keith (as Buttons), Orville (well, as Orville I guess) and the super gorgeous Hannah Nicholas (as Cinderella) posing for the photographers outside in a lucky moment of sunshine.  Lots of: “this way Julian” (click click) “Orville, head up slightly” “look to me” (clickity-click) “and one more. Lovely!” 

Cinders, outside Admiralty House Plymouth

Later, various members of the press took turns to interview the cast members for radio, TV and print; I listened in and took some sneaky footage, trying to remember for the life of me where I stashed that 7” Keith Harris and Orville single circa 1982.  

A costume change later, back on the stage at the Theatre Royal, Denham Productions were set up ready to film the television advert for the panto which will go out sometime in early December. As the crew tinkered around with the blue screen and searched for a box to stand Keith on (Julian’s rather tall) – I asked Keith if Orville went home with him.

“Of course he does! Where else would he go?!” He replied with a grin

“So do the two of you talk to each other, you know, when it’s just the two of you?!” I asked.

“Funny you should ask, I was only saying to Orville a couple of nights ago ‘you know we really should stop this’”

I can totally believe it.

Here’s a video of me talking to the fluffy one himself or scroll down for photos.

In case you assumed it was a great opportunity for us to be messing around on YouTube or playing dress up in the Wardrobe department for a month – I thought I’d fill you in on just what does happen at the theatre when we don’t have performers on the stage, tickets to check and food to serve.

Looking from flyower on to stage

For most departments it’s been a great opportunity to get all that stuff done that just piles up – (sometimes for six years!) – archiving, filing, cleaning, etc.  The catering department for example closed the kitchen for two whole weeks (that was a long time to be eating my own sandwiches) so that they could rewire the kitchen.

For the technical team it’s meant a unique opportunity to carry out some essential maintenance on the actual stage. A large-scale project has seen the stage literally in pieces as it’s been surveyed, levelled and resurfaced and would be impossible during a typical year at the Theatre Royal during which some ninety shows are performed during a twelve month period across both performance spaces. 

Similarly, as the weeks have passed, the theatre is looking decidedly shinier from the inside: paint work has been touched up, the backstage service lift has been entirely replaced, squeaky doors oiled, dressing room lights fixed and a deep clean of the whole theatre has meant that our housekeeping team have been relentlessly hand-scrubbing thousands of pieces of furniture.

The fly tower

It’s also been a great opportunity for all members of staff to reflect and find ways on how we can each improve as a team and ultimately a theatre. This has included not only away-days with our own teams but also getting together with other departments to help gain a better understanding of how the organisation operates as a whole. The Box Office staff, for example, were given a guided tour of parts of the theatre that most of us never see including the stage, the top of the fly tower, the on-stage lift and the orchestra pit. They were even invited into the running wardrobe where Cheryl, Wardrobe Mistress, demonstrated her theatrical make-up skill by giving a few members of staff some extremely real-looking cuts and bruises!

Life at TR2 however has continued to be as busy as ever and largely unaffected by the out of season spring clean at the Theatre Royal. The workshop teams have been building sets and costumes for productions across the UK including Miss Saigon, Deep Down Cowboys and Lovesong and Creative Learning have been managing the busiest season of their annual calender of events with a series of workshops, classes and summer activities (see Summer Stakeout).

Whilst we were all secretly hoping to find a little quiet time for some YouTube-cruising and dressing up as the cast of Snoopy – The Musical circa 1985 (oh wait, no, that was just me), we’ve all been incredibly busy and looking forward to stepping out of our overalls and getting on with our Autumn Programme. 

It felt a little sneaky, like I was spying on them, but it was also really insightful. It made me think about how the Theatre Royal is perceived by people who have rarely or never attended.  Some people are quite nervous about how they should behave, assuming that the theatre is quite ‘posh’ or ‘well to do’. Whilst a stricter code of behaviour and dress may be necessary in some venues – some opera houses for example – for the most part, the Theatre Royal included, theatres are very relaxed and are open to absolutely anyone.

However, it may still be a bit daunting and perhaps not somewhere you’d have previously considered spending your spare time.  So, here are some helpful pieces of advice that I’ve collated from both our Facebook pages and the forum I was spying on earlier…

What shall I wear?

Unless you’re attending a performance of the The Rocky Horrow Show – whereby you will be out of place not wearing outrageous costume: suspenders, basques and dark eye makeup – you can wear whatever you’re comfortable in.  You’ll find that more mature members of the audience often dress up – particularly for the opera – but really, whatever you wear to pop to the shops is just as acceptable. 

Can I bring some food?

Sweets, nuts, a bottle of water – you can bring these items from home and QUIETLY consume them in the auditorium or you can purchase them from our shop.  Should you decide to bring a 15” Hawaiian pizza, Big Mac and fries or a chicken jalfrezi with pickles, poppadums, nans and a side of saag paneer however (which DOES happen from time to time); don’t expect to be consuming that in the auditorium.  As a general rule of thumb – whatever you can get away with munching QUIETLY on a coach should be fine for the auditorium.  Just watch those rustling sweet wrappers!  

Can I get a cheap ticket?    

Concessions are available for most shows and often apply to children, students, over 60s, unwaged and disabled patrons.  Check our website or brochure for dates. The ANLO scheme – open to all under 26 year olds – offers a limited number of free tickets to its members plus good discounts on tickets. Standby rates for all under 26s are available on the day of the performance.

Can I get up in the middle of the show or is there a half time?

It’s worth remembering that there are real people on stage and getting up for a yawn and a stretch can be off putting for the actors and those around you.  There is usually – depending on the length of the show – an interval roughly halfway through so please try to hang on to any bodily urges until then.  Having said that, I have seen people of all ages and walks of life – including an A-list celebrity! – make a real point of leaving the auditorium if they feel the performance is not as they expected.  It’s generally considered impolite and it doesn’t happen often – but if you are REALLY disgruntled, REALLY need the loo or REALLY don’t like the show then you can slip out quietly without causing disturbance to others. 

Can I take a nap?

Sure – just try not to let the actors see you, don’t snore and for your own sense of shame don’t dribble. Though it might be a bit of a waste of money and leave you with a sore neck. 

Can I take pictures?

An absolute no I’m afraid.  Most of the shows visiting the Theatre Royal have copyrights protecting the content including the songs and costumes so taking photographs with cameras, mobiles or any other device is strictly prohibited.

Can I use my phone?

Officially no – mobiles should be switched off.  But an increasing number of people are using their phones on silent mode to interact with each other about the show on social networking sites. Keep it silent, dim the screen – i.e. be aware of how distracting a bright screen can be to those around you – and don’t make phone calls and you should be ok – but try to remember that Facebook will still be there after the show, it would be a shame to miss the show in favour of a status update.

Does that help? Maybe drop me a line if you’ve got any questions about your forthcoming trip to the theatre – no matter how daft you may think they are. laura.evans@theatreroyal.com. There are more FAQs and answers on our website.

I’ll just finish with some words of wisdom from that forum I was eavesdropping:

“Your reaction to the theatre will be highly dependent on the quality of the work and performance you go to see. If you don’t enjoy it much, don’t blame “the theatre”; just be brave and go again to something else sometime.”

‘Tis true!

PS – here’s a guide to attending ballet for the first time from the Birmingham Royal Ballet.